so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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