I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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