After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize