I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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