I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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