scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
