Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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