You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
