I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize