when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
