Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
