There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
