Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize