Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
