i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
