i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
