your thong is hanging out like whoa
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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