I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
