i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
smell my finger.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
