She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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