i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think i got beer on your cat.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
