Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
