I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
