Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
