I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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