afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
