I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
