So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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