butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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