Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
