i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
