so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
