i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
