dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
