well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
