Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
