Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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