thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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