he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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