i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize