Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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