I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize