after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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