just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
