My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
