she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize