Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
