Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
