Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
