i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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