There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
