I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
