I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
