My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
