Don't you send me to vm
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
