He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize