I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
