Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I believe in your delicious
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
