I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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