6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
