just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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