oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
