New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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