I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think my fart just growled at me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
