so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize