Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
