Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
