I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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