Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
