The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
