Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
