I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
