Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
