he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
