Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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