Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
